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Children
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God One Sunday in a Midwest
city, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents
did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.
Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way
out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the
congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!" A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold." At this, dad
interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, "How come you called God 'Harold?'
One four-year-old prayed: "And forgive us our trash baskets as we During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back
pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence, and after church, asked:
"Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?" One night Mike's parents overheard this prayer: "Now I lay me down to rest, A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night. "Dear God, thank you for these pancakes." When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken. He smiled and said, "I thought I'd see if He was paying attention tonight." A little boy's prayer. "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess." A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!" Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine," said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you." "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave. I asked Him to help you put up with me." A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if You can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am. A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you......" When my daughter was about four years old, she still had a hard time grasping the concept of marriage. But anyway, I got out our wedding album, thinking visual images would help, and explained the entire service to her. Once finished, I asked if she had any questions, and she replied, "Oh. I see. Is that when Mommy came to work for us?" After listening restlessly to a long and tedious sermon, a 6-year-old boy asked his father what the preacher did the rest of the week. "Oh, he's a very busy man," the father replied. "He takes care of church business, visits the sick, ministers to the poor.... And then he has to have time to rest up. Talking in public isn't an easy job, you know." The boy thought about that, then said, "Well, listening ain't easy, either." At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children are sitting down around the pastor, the pastor leans over and says to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?" The girl replies, almost directly into the pastor's clip-on mike: "Yes.... and my Mom says it's a b%#! to iron." A mother was watching her four-year-old child playing outside in a small plastic pool half-filled with water. He was happily walking back and forth across the pool, making big splashes. Suddenly he stopped, stepped out of the pool, and began to scoop water out of the pool with a pail. "Why are you pouring the water out, Johnny?" the mother asked. "'Cause my teacher said Jesus walked on water, and this water won't work!" the boy replied. After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree and the pastor greets the family. "Pastor," Johnny says, "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust." "That's right, Johnny, I did." "And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust." "Yes, I'm glad you were listening. Why do you ask?" "Well, you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!" Little Johnny, a kindergartner, practices spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom have been proudly displayed for all to see. One morning while getting ready for the day, Johnny bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D. "Look what I spelled, Mom!" he exclaimed, a proud smile on his face. "That's wonderful!" she praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight." That Catholic education is certainly having an impact, she thought, happily. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen. "Mom? How do you spell zilla?" As he always did in church, the father sat in the front pew with his three young children so everyone could see the service. This time the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant and the father's five-year-old girl was entranced, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant's head. With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked out loud: "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby??" One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque
that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags
were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for
some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good
morning Alex." "Good morning pastor," replied the young man, still focused
on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?" Alex asked. "Well, son, it's a
memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood
together, staring at the large plaque.
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